A long way from Home

This definitely isn’t the blog post that I originally thought I would be writing this week and it’s not an easy one to either. Without wanting to admit it to anybody, the last couple of weeks have been a real mental challenge off the golf course. My practice has been great & I may be ready to go physically but once I'm out there competing I am a long way from golf mentally.

I knew this year was going to be a challenge with COVID. No family or friends are able to travel with me due to the financial challenge and Australia’s strict laws in place due to coronavirus, but I wanted to chase my dream and get back out there competing. It is something that I thoroughly missed in 2020 and for the first 4 - 6 weeks I was joyous to be back playing on tour. But, as most things eventually do, the joy and happiness of being here started to fade and I started to think about how great all these memories and travel adventures would be if I was able to share it with the people I love at home.

In a conversation with Mum Thursday afternoon following my poor opening round, she mentioned how she had spoken to my brother about the Simone Biles mental health situation at the Olympics to get his take on it. My brother, being the wise human that he is, said “mental health issues aren’t there when we perform, only when we don’t”. This has never felt more true. I was in such a great mentality when I first left Australia but this has slowly drifted away. During this time my golf has slowly dropped off and being the strong, independent person that I am didn’t want anyone else to worry about my problems. But all that does in the end is make it harder, this week it all came out and I just broke down in tears. It happens, there's no point in hiding it. So I figured, I may as well put it all down on paper, because it always helps.

Without realising it I have been afraid of success, of playing well and getting the results I know I am capable of. All because I felt then that I wouldn’t have anybody with me to share it with. This statement may seem strange and silly to some but it was something that I had hidden in the back of my head. Golf is a lonely game at times and I am forever grateful for the people that I get to spend every week with on tour but it sometimes just isn’t enough. That’s the harsh reality of living on the other side of the world.

Dealing with on ongoing pandemic, and constantly seeing the situation decline at home has been hard - people not wanting to get vaccinated, lockdowns appearing in multiple states, protests against our government, the list is never ending. So, to all those at home reading who are maybe wondering ‘oh I wish I could do something to help her” or ‘if only she could have some family go and visit’ then do this for me; maybe think about getting the vaccine. I am no doctor, have no medical experience, but if you are worried or have questions please speak to someone with medical knowledge & an informed opinion on the matter. We are so lucky to live in an age and country where we have incredible access to medical services, we should be grateful for the accesability and use them.

For me, the most important thing is family and my golf. Fingers crossed that soon I will be able to have family travel with me, visit me and even be able to come home and not have to worry about quarantine! So, this is me, opening up my thoughts & feelings to the World but also allowing me to now feel happier to have done it. Time to get back on track.